I am thinking of turning "Stange Video Game Reviews" into a weekly feature. Why? Because there are some really weird customer reviews out there. Maybe they misunderstood the game, maybe they just couldn't get the hang of the gameplay or something else. What I hope to do is showcase reviews that are just wrong. Well, here's an example from an Amazon customer reviewing Half-Life 2 for the Xbox.
As you can see the reviewer has no idea what they're talking about. First, the "we don't go to Ravenclaw chapter." Technically, the reviewer is right. Gordon Freeman does not go to Ravenclaw. He does not go to Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, or Slytherin either. But we can pretend Black Mesa and Aperture are Hogwarts House rivals... or maybe not. The correct name of the town is Ravenholm, as other reviewers point out.
But the weirdness doesn't stop there. The reviewer calls Half-Life 2 "sick" because of this chapter. Ravenholm is an abandon town filled with zombies and Headcrabs. The reviewer calls the zombies "mentally handicapped." Really? No, they are zombies. It's very obvious in the game that what you are fighting in Ravenholm isn't human anymore. And, of course, they are trying to kill you. Headcrabs are trying to latch on to you.
So this is the type of review I want to share. You can call Half-Life 2 the crappiest game ever if you don't like the story or the gameplay or the graphics. That's fine. That's your opinion. (I love the game, btw.) But don't give it 2 stars because you don't pay attention to what's going on in the game. Don't call it evil or sick.
When you write a review, at least get the facts straight. That's what we should learn from this.
One last thing: I would like to thank my brother who got me into reading misinformed customer reviews. He would play a game, then go see what the 1 and 2 star reviews were about. It's pretty entertaining.